


(Laugh)Sassin

by AdorabloodthirstyKitty



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, F/F, Gen, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 05:57:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5697574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdorabloodthirstyKitty/pseuds/AdorabloodthirstyKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee Makara, one of several hitmen working under his father, Alistair Makara, and his boss, The Condesce, is sent on a routine job that turns into something much more then anyone could have anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Assignment

You're sitting at a cafe in Italy when you get the message. It's sunny and warm, not a cloud in the sky. Your phone buzzes once in your pocket and you pull it out, seeing a short message illuminate your screen.

New job. Be here in 30.

You stand, straighten your jacket, pay the bill, and go.

 You get to the small bakery quickly, striding in through the front door, the bell tinkling brightly as you waltz in. It's fairly empty, like it usually is, though there are a couple customers here and there at the tables, sipping coffees and eating pastries. You pay them no mind, Kurloz standing at the door across the room marked 'Employees Only'. You both go in, one after the other, heading down a dimly lit corridor, down a narrow flight of steps, and turning right into a large reception area, Rose Lalonde tapping away at the front desk. Her sharp eyes fly up to look you both over quickly before turning her attention back to the screen.

"He's waiting in the meeting room," she says evenly, and Kurloz gives a firm nod before leading you down another corridor to a set of large double doors, opening them and striding in without pause, you right behind him.

Your father sits at the head of the table, tapping away on a smart phone that looks like a child's toy in his huge hand. He finishes writing out whatever message he was working on, looking up as you and your brother come to sit on either side of the table, a couple seats away from him. He smirks, showing off a sharp canine.

"Good motherfuckin morning, little ones. Thank you for gracing me with your motherfuckin presence."

Your jaw clenches in anger but you bite your tongue, knowing speaking up now is just asking for a hit. It is too motherfuckin early for this shit.

"I got a new target sent by Fish Bitch herself. For now it's recon and surveillance, information gathering. All that boring shit. And since our little one has been so well behaved recently, I'm giving this one to you, Gamzee."

It's still a surprise when he calls you by name, your back straightening involuntarily. "Thank you, sir."

"Motherfucker's your age, living in New York. I got you booked for the next flight out, flight information's on your phone."

Your phone buzzes as if to reaffirm his statement.

"You'll get info on the motherfucker before your flight. I want you memorizing that shit. Dress and act accordingly, you know the drill."

"Yes sir."

"You'll be there as long as it takes. If Condy changes the job, you'll be notified."

"Yes sir."

"Good. Get the fuck gone, your flight's in an hour."

You nod once, Kurloz throwing a fist out for you to bump as you walk back out, up to the bakery, and out toward your flat to pack.

-

The flight is long and boring as fuck. You kick back in your seat, thanking every deity for not being stuffed in coach as you pull out your phone to read over the information again.

Tavros Nitram  
24  
612 Prospit St  
New York City, NY  


Veterinary Assistant at Harley Animal Shelter  
784 Derse Ave

Part-time librarian at Skaia Public Library  
342 Skaia Blvd

Attended and graduated top of class at Cornell

Father Raphael Nitram  
Brother Rufioh Nitram  
Mother deceased

It's not a lot but it's something. They didn't send a picture though, which would probably be helpful. You look up rooms for rent near his house or places of work and find a couple places, writing the information down to save for later. For now you sit back, put your headphones on, and chill as the plane flies steadily over the Atlantic.

-

It's cold as tits when you get off in New York. You pull your coat tighter around yourself, suitcase in hand as you go out to hail a cab. You pay the guy and tell him to head toward Alternia Avenue, one of the places closest to your target's house and work. You pull up in front of an older brick building, grabbing your shit and heading up the small flight to the door, giving the worn wood a couple sharp knocks. You eye the building, take some time to study your surroundings a little before the door opens, a small, plump woman in a colorful apron opening the door with a quizzical look. You throw on a smile, making yourself look a bit sheepish, unassuming.

"Hello ma'am. I'm here to see about the room for rent?"

Her eyes alight with recognition, nodding briskly and smiling as she leads you in, up a couple flights of stairs to room 42. She opens the door and leads you in, letting you look around. You set your bag down, walk around a little. It's a pretty standard room, queen sized bed, a dresser, closet, bathroom. You ask for the price and she says about a thousand a month. You nod, pretending to consider it a bit before giving a smile. "I'll take it. I'll pay you for the next couple of months as soon as I get to the bank."

She seems happily surprised, thanking you and leaving you to get settled. Your smile falls as soon as she leaves, eyeing the room more closely. It's clean and tidy, and you look over hiding places, entrances and exits, places to stash shit. You put your clothes away, pulling your phone out and typing out a quick text to Kurloz.

420 Alternia Ave Room 42

You put your phone back in your pocket, making sure all of your shit's put away, your phones in your pockets. You feel naked without your knives and guns, your fingers itching to flick open a blade or check your bullets. Instead you pull a box out of your suitcase, opening the lock and pulling your mics and cameras out of the hidden compartment. You set about bugging your room, sticking the mics in the bathroom and bedroom, cameras out of sight unless you know where to look. You check the angles of the cameras on your phone, making sure you have a view or every square inch of the bedroom and bathroom before slipping your phone back in your pocket and going out of the room, the keys your new landlady gave you jingling happily as you lock the door and head down the stairs out to the street.

Time for some motherfuckin recon.


	2. Motherfuckin Recon

The first place you go to is the library. You make sure to wander around Time Square a little, waste time looking like a tourist. You know how important appearances are, you can't just go straight to the target's house or some shit. So you wander. You walk around, buy snacks and shit, look in shops. It takes hours to get there, but when you finally step foot in Skaia Public Library you're a little tired, wishing you'd gotten more sleep back in Italy. You look over to the front desk and see a girl with a massive amount of curly hair, who gives you a huge smile that is a bit unnerving. You smile back, give a little wave, and browse.

You start at the front and work your way deeper into the library, the building massive. Your target could easily be somewhere in here stocking shelves or something, so you keep an eye out, listen for any noise as you look over books, skimming some here and there, picking a couple up here and there. You act like any 20-something in a library would, and as you sit down with a small stack of art books and novels you stay alert, eyes on the book as you listen. You're about halfway through a book on modern art history when someone comes in the library, his voice echoing a little in the large space. You look over, study him briefly before turning back to the book, pretending to read as you listen in on the conversation between the new guy and the girl at the front desk.

"Hey Aradia. Where the fuck is Tavros? Isn't he supposed to be working today?"

Not Tavros then. You'll have to see if you can walk by the animal place later, see if he's there. 'Aradia' answers the loud dude, but her voice is too quiet to hear from across the room. You flip a page in your book, continue pretending to read. Neither of them say where your target is, or if they do it's too quiet to hear. You actually start reading a little, looking over pictures of paintings and shit, eyes starting to droop a little. Motherfuck are you tired.

"Hey."

Your head whips around at the sudden noise, muscles tensing. It's the guy who talked to Aradia, glaring at you a bit. Or maybe he just has a bitchy face in general? You can't tell if he's actually mad or not, but he sure as fuck don't look happy.

"What's up, brother?" you ask, not even bothering to hide a yawn.

"Are you going to actually read that or are you just gonna use it as a pillow for your fucking nap? I need it."

Your eyebrow rises, looking to the books sitting in front of you. "Uh, which one?"

"Pride and Prejudice."

You hadn't even realized you'd grabbed that one. Isn't that some romance shit? Whatever, not like you're gonna read it. You pull it from the stack and hand it over.

"All yours, motherfucker," you reply, giving a smile. The guy studies you a bit, eyes squinted like he's trying to get a good look at every hair and motherfuckin pore. Makes you a little annoyed but instead you act nervous, swallowing and shifting a little. He looks you straight in the eyes a couple seconds like he's tryin to figure you out before turning abruptly and heading back toward the front desk. You watch him go, thinking 'what the fuck' before turning back to your book.

 You read the rest of the book, skim through the others. You put most of em away but take a couple novels to pass the time and so you have an excuse to come back. Aradia smiles, asks if that'll be all for today. You say 'yeah, but you'll have to come back, this place is bitchtits', all that small talk bullshit. She's nice enough, wishes you a good day and you do the same for her, giving her another smile before heading out again, back of books in hand.

Back to recon.

-

You wander again. You walk along street after street, closer and closer to Harley's. You grab lunch along the way, walk as you tear apart a burger and fries. You drop some fries and shit for the pigeons and rats, birds comin quick to snatch up the scraps before flying off again. You finish your food off on the street before Derse, balling up your trash and looking around for a trashcan. You spot one near the mouth of an alley, shooting it like a basketball into the bin, grinning as you turn around again-

And you plow right into a motherfucker. You trip and fall on your ass in front of him, him doin the same with a little 'oof'. You get up quickly, holding a hand out to help him up. He takes your hand, grip firm as he pulls himself up, finally looking up at you. Oh, he's shorter then you. Most motherfuckers are, but he kinda has to crane his neck up a little to look at you with you so close. His cheeks are dusted with a blush, big brown eyes wide in surprise or embarrassment or both. He starts stuttering out apologies but you put a hand up to stop him, giving him a smile.

"Nah man, looks like neither of us were lookin where the fuck we were goin. You alright?"

He answers in the affirmative, stepping back with an even redder face when he seems to realize how close y'all are standing. You keep the smile on your face. He looks you over quickly, eyes landing on your hand, or more specifically the bag you're still holding.

"You go to the library? I've never seen you there before."

"Just motherfuckin moved here, man. Was stayin with my brother in Europe."

His eyes widen, all embarrassment and nervousness seeming to have vanished immediately.

"Really? What country? If you don't mind me asking," he says, seeming to realize that may be personal, that you may not wanna talk to him. Usually you wouldn't, but this motherfucker don't seem so bad. You can spare to shoot the shit a little while.

"Italy. Out by the coast."

"Wow, that's really cool. I have family who live in Spain, actually."

"Heard that place's pretty motherfuckin wicked. Never went there myself, though. What's it like?"

He beams, going on about a ranch his family owns, and you let yourself smile a little, thinkin this motherfucker's kinda cute. Not like shit'll happen, you got a job to do, but you can appreciate a good-lookin motherfucker. He seems to realize how much he's been goin on about the ranch and farm and animals and shit, clammin up real motherfuckin fast, apologizing for babbling. You say nah, it's all good, and hold out a hand for him to shake, introducing yourself. He seems relieved you're not bothered, shaking your hand with a small smile.

"It's nice to meet you Gamzee. My name's Tavros."

Your heart seems to skip a beat, and you have to force your features to stay neutral. You nod, saying nice to meet you, nice talkin to you, blah blah blah, and ask if there's any animal shelters around, that you've been meaning to pick up a pet. His eyes light up and he grins, going on about Harley's, how they always have animals at the shelter who need a good home. You ask if he can lead the way and he does so happily, going on about some of the animals. You tune him out for the most part, letting shit sink in.

So this motherfucker's your target. You look him over when he ain't looking, feeling a bit miffed. Why the fuck would Condy want this motherfucker under surveillance? He looks harmless, why the fuck would you need to be on the lookout for him? You tune back into the conversation as you both walk up to the front doors of the shelter, Tavros going on about some of the newer animals and shit. You nod your head, stay quiet. He asks what kinda animal you were lookin to get but you shrug, saying you weren't all too motherfuckin sure. He smiles anyway, says they got a lot of animals who need a home, and leads you to a large room with cages big and small, dogs and cats chillin, barking, sleeping. You look over some of the animals, more interested in the cats then the dogs. Cats are chill as fuck.

You spot a fat, fluffy motherfucker glarin out the bars of her cage, like she's annoyed that she's stuck here. You like her already.

"How about this motherfucker?" you ask, pointing out the Himalayan. Tavros smiles.

"Oh, that's Princess! She's been here a while. She 's kind of, um, picky? About who handles her though. She doesn't really get along with most people," he frowns. You ask if you can take her out and hold her and he looks nervous, opening her cage and pulling her out gently. She sits in his arms easy enough, meowing before turning to squint at you. You smile back, giving a little wave.

"Uh, just be careful. And if she scratches you we have bandages and stuff, so.." His sentence trails off as he hands her to you gently, settling her in your arms. She shuffles a little, getting comfortable before giving another little meow. She seems happy enough, closing her eyes with a little purr that puts a smile on both of your faces. Tavros looks surprised.

"Wow. She doesn't really do that, especially with new people. She must really like you!"

You both head up to the front desk, Tav putting her back in her little carrier and handing it to you as you both go up so you can pay, Tav pointing out a little shop across the way that sells pet shit. You grab a bed, a couple toys, and some food, pay for everything, and thank Tav for all his help. He smiles and says it's no problem, just come over anytime if you need any help. You thank him again and head back to your new home with Princess, thinking today was at least a little successful.

And then your phone beeps.


End file.
